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The First Two Episodes of Peppermint Park
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. It’s time for another requested episode. This one is from an anonymous FANDOM user who also requested Eddie Eagle. What did they request? A bizarre children’s show called Peppermint Park! (Cut to clips from the show) G-man (V.O): The show's first episode released in 1987 on VHS. Due to various reasons such as poor sales and reception, the show was canceled after six episodes. That is shit if you ask me! It features creepy puppets, awful lessons, no morals, and I mean it when I say that Peppa Pig has more effort than this! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And its official wiki, yes, it has one, is useless! No one knows when it started, nor when it ended. I know no one who remembers this show! Let alone like it! Nonetheless, let’s jump right into Peppermint Park! (Cut to the first episode) G-man (V.O): Now, since each episode is over 20 minutes long, we’ll only be looking at the first two episodes. Let’s be logical and start with the first episode: 'Magic Moments'. Also, can we talk about how catchy this opening theme is? Male voice (V.O singing): Good friends! Gonna get together with good friends! Everything is better with friends like you, there’s so much to do in Peppermint Park! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Seriously, why can’t my theme be like that? (He holds up a piece of paper and looks to his right) Okay, who’s joke is this? Is my original theme not good enough? (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): We then go to some club house in where I guess is Peppermint Park, when we see- (The puppets appear) SWEET JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK! (Cut back to the G-man looking horrified) G-man: THOSE are the puppets in this series? They look like rejected Muppets from Sesame Street! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): After we learn about the number four with Little Bit and Miss Piggy’s low-budget brother, we then get… Female voice (V.O): This is the letter B. B is the second letter in the Alphabet. B is the first letter in the word 'Ball'. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man (Imitating the female voice): And blueberry, and balloons, and bastard… (The sound of an audience gasping is heard) What? It starts with B, doesn’t it? Male voice (From offscreen): You’re fired. G-man: Fair enough. (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O in normal voice): And then we get a song where a polar bear, or rather someone dubbing over one, singing about God knows what. However, we then go back the Muppets from Hell. Little Bit: Okay, okay! I’m ready to introduce Ray Pierce the Magician! (To audience) Ladies and gentlemen- Unnamed puppet (Interrupting): Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I just did that! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Hold up! Did they say Ray Pierce? THE Ray Pierce?! (Cut to Ray’s IMDb page) G-man (V.O): Wait, there’s no credit for Peppermint Park on his IMDb page? Looks like even he was embarrassed to let people know he was on this crap! (Cut back to the episode) Female voice (V.O): Today on Peppermint Park, we’re learning about the color red. R-E-D. (Cut to a red gumball machine) You can think of lots of things that are red! Here’s a red gumball machine. (Cut to a red flower) Some flowers are red, too, aren’t they? (Cut to the American flag) The stripes on our flag are red. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Hey, what about us Canadians? We have red! (A picture of the Canadian flag pops up, but the maple leaf is replaced by a marijuana leaf) See? Look at- (He notices the marijuana leaf) Alright, who the hell messed with the props? Pivot (From offscreen): I swear it looked like that when I got there! G-man (Under his breath): God damnit, Pivot… (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): After we learn about red, we then get a song about it. Not much to say, so let’s move on. And then we get to see a stoplight from Miss Piggy’s brother. Whom is actually refereed to as Piggle. (Cut to the title screen for Peggle) No, Piggle! Although, that was a good game. (Cut back to the episode) Piggle: Oh, hi! You know we were talkin’ about the color red earlier, and I thought you might like to see this. How ‘bout that, eh? Do you know what that is? (He gives the audience some time to answer) That’s right! It’s a stoplight! And it has the color red on it. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Who was this show made for? Kids? Serial killers? The residents of Pantsylvania? WHO?! (Cut back to the episode) Wiley: Oh, hi Piggle! What are you doing there? Piggle: Oh, hiya Wiley! Oh, I was just, uh, talking about the different colors on this stoplight. You see, this is the color red- Wiley (Interrupting): Wait a minute, wait a minute, Piggle. Was this a working stoplight when you got it? Piggle: Yeah. Why? Wiley: Exactly where did you get it from? Piggle: Um… Well, from that big pole on the corner. Just outside. Why? Wiley: Piggle! That stoplight was very important on that pole! (The sound of a car crash is heard as the camera shakes. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Well, it’s confirmed: Piggle has the brain of Homer Simpson. Homer (V.O): D’oh! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): After we see this scarecrow dance for no apparent reason other than for being creepy as fuck, we learn about the letter A. Female voice (V.O): Here’s the letter A. Three letters are capital letters, and one is a small letter. Do you know which one is the smaller A? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: C’mon! Everyone knows Sesame Street did it better! (Cut to a clip from said show) Kermit (Singing): Three of these things belong together, three of these things are kind of the same. But one of these things just doesn’t belong here, and now it’s time to play our game! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): And then we get a song about a duck. (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) I’m serious. That’s the name of this segment according to the wiki. Male voice (V.O): Now, boys and girls, here’s the Peppermint Park Story Lady. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Now, here’s where another gripe comes in. This is the first episode that introduced the Story Lady, but the next episode is literally called 'The Story Lady'! And her role in that episode is just as minimal as in the first one! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): Also, she’s just as pointless as the rest of the cast! All she does in this episode is read a story that’s based off of 'The Emperor’s New Clothes'! That’s it, no more to explain! After we see some creepy marionette do tricks with a tightrope, we learn about the letter I. Female voice (V.O): I is the first letter in 'Ice Cream'! Mmmm! Doesn’t that look good? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Sorry, but I’m lactose intolerant, so I can’t really say anything to this. Although, I will say that I is also the first letter in 'Idiot'! Like the writers of Caillou! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): Anyway, we then see some people ice skating, we count to ten extremely loudly, two a-holes explain bubbles, and that’s the end of episode one. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Moving onto episode two… (He gets interrupted by his iPhone ringing) I swear to Christ… (He answers it) Hello? (The caller turns out to be Vinesauce Vinny in his usual location. During his and the G-man’s conversation, it cuts between them) Vinny: Dude, where were you? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day! G-man: Oh, hey Vinny! Sorry, I was just in the middle of reviewing something. Vinny: What were you reviewing? (He takes a sip of water) G-man: This bizarre kids’ show called Peppermint Park. (Vinny does a spit take) Vinny: Are you serious?! You’ve gotta stop right now! G-man: What? Why? Vinny: Legend has it that if someone reviews all six episodes of Peppermint Park, then they’ll- G-man (Interrupting): Yeah, whatever. I’ve got to go. (He hangs up) Weirdo… (Cut to episode two) G-man (V.O): As I said before, episode two is titled 'The Story Lady', even though her part is minimal. (Piggle appears) Oh good, him again. Piggle (In a more high-pitched voice): Oh, hi! I was just reading this book about Mary and her Little Lamb. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Stop right there! Why is his voice higher? The wiki offers no explanation, and all we’re doing is questioning about it! You know what, Piggle? (He holds up a fork) Get in my belly! You’re bacon, bitch! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): And now it’s time to learn about the letter C. Female voice (V.O): C is the first letter in the word 'Crackers'. C is also the first letter in the word 'Cheese'. The letter C; it’s the first letter in the word 'Cello'. (Cut to a woman playing the cello. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And how does this have to do with the Story Lady? (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): We then get a song about an elephant. Meh. Followed by some kid named Billy going to the dentist. Meh. And then we get this voice where I’m sure scared the hell out of kids back in the day: Low-pitched voice (V.O): Let’s count to the number 7. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Okay, you’re the boss, Satan! (Cut back to the episode) Female voice (V.O): Today on Peppermint Park, we’re talking about blue. It can be a color, like this, or it can just be a sad feeling. (Fade to a sad-looking puppet) Like Maynard. (The text "Maynard??" pops up for a brief moment) He’s feeling blue. Let’s listen to his song, and maybe he’ll tell us why. G-man (V.O): Seeing as how it would be appropriate to play I’m Blue by Eiffel 65, I’m instead going to show this: (Cut to a clip from Cars) Lightning McQueen: He won three Piston Cups! Mater (After doing a spit take): He did what in his cup?! (Cut back to the episode) Female voice (V.O): Once again, boys and girls, its time for Magic Megan! G-man (V.O): Wait a minute! She didn’t appear in the previous episode, and her other appearance is later on. So, why did she say "Once again"? (He sighs) Well, I’ll just add this to the long-ass list of unanswered questions about Peppermint Park. Anyway, after three segments called 'M is for Music', 'The letter C', and 'How to Make Clay', we get this song about a monkey. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Now, I know what you’re thinking: "G-man, why are you skipping these segments?". That’s because none, and I mean NONE of these segments in each episode, have no point whatsoever! They just come and go as they please like: Here’s a segment? Goodbye! Here’s a segment? Goodbye! I mean seriously! This whole series is pointless! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): And now we FINALLY get to the Story Lady! Like I said, her role is minimal. She just tells us a story about a Frog. (Cut to a still-frame of Bunji the Frog from Pantsylvania) Oh, God no! Not him! (Cut back to the episode) After another counting segment, we learn about the letter C again. (Under his breath) Again? Really? Female voice (V.O): It’s the first letter in the word 'Camel'. Camels are mostly found in dry, dessert parts of the world. But today, you can probably see one at your local zoo. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man (In normal tone): Oh, alright I’ll do it. (He clears his throat) Hump Day! (A rimshot is heard before we cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): Next up is Stump the Star with (Snorkee appears) GOOD GRAVY! KILL IT WITH ACID! (He takes a few calming breaths) Okay, I’m good. Male voice (V.O): Carol wants to know: What’s the seventh letter in the Alphabet? Snorkee: The seventh letter in the Alphabet… Uh… The seventh letter… Is it a W? (Cut back to the G-man facepalming) G-man: Are you stupid, or something?! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): After we get a tour of some water park, the second episode ends. So, those were the first two episodes of Peppermint Park. Maybe some time in the future, I’ll get around to the rest. But for now… (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: I need a damn break! Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! (He gets up to leave, but he immediately sits back down) Y’know, I can’t help but wonder what Vinny was talking about. What DID happen to those who reviewed all six episodes? (Cut to a timecard reading "Meanwhile…", and then to a shadowy figure in a dark room watching the prior scene) ???: Everything’s going according to plan… Category:Episode